Excerpts from life's tokens and pieces and bits

Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you a heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit.
      Love is a risk. Do it anyway.
Being single doesn't mean you're weak; it means you're strong enough to wait for what you really deserve.
      Don't make decisions when you're angry, Don't make promises when you're happy.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
      Yes, I'm single. You're gonna have to be amazing to change that.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you.
      No man is really married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.
You don't need someone to complete you, you only need someone to accept you completely.
      CAUTION: I can go from 0 to BITCH in 2.5 seconds!
Someone once asked me
"why do you always insist on taking the hard road?"
and I replied
"why do you assume I see two roads?"
      At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life.
There comes a point in your life when you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will.
      What can I do to piss you off today?
I am fucking happy, I could shit rainbows.
      Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.
The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
      I'm not completely useless. I can be used as a bad example.
Life is an adventure...Dare it!
Life is a love ... Enjoy it!
Life is a rtagedy ... Face it!
Life is a struggle...Fight it!
Life is a promise ... Fulfill it!
      Today is National Good Looking Person Day. Send this to someone gorgeous. Don't send it back to me. I've received fucking hundreds.
How to save your heart:
Should: never expect
            never demand
            never assume
Know:  your limits
            where you stand
            your role
Don't:   get affected
            get jealous
            get paranoid
Just go with the flow.
      and stay happy.
      I am only responsible for what I say not for what you understand ...
Life is short. Break the RULES. FORGIVE quickly, KISS slowly, LOVE truly, LAUGH uncontrollably, and NEVER REGRET anything that made you SMILE.
      I'm not weird. I am limited edition*.
I hate the feeling of wanting to ask a question, but your heart is too scared to know the answer.
      Some people just need a sympathetic pat ... on the head ... with a hammer.
Never chase love, affection or attention. If it isn't given freely by another person, it isn't worth having.
      Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, sorrounded by assholes.
Dear Alcohol,
we had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer.
I saw the video.
We need to talk...
      People cry not because they are weak. It's because they've been strong for too long.
Never make eye contact while eating a banana.
      I am thankful to all those who said NO to me. It is because of them I did it myself.
If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one you wouldn't have fallen for the second.
      Warning! Drinking may cause memory loss. Or worse, memory loss.
We never really grow up. We only learn how to act in public.
      Life's a bitch but she throws one hell of a party.
SARCASM - because beating the crap out of people is illegal.
      Do you know the real meaning of loneliness? It's when you are looking for comfort and you are just holding your own two hands.
A wise man sat in the audience and cracked a joke. Everybody laughs like crazy. After a moment, he cracked the same joke again. This time, less people laughed. He cracked the same joke again and again. When there is no laughter in the crowd, he smiled and said: You can't laught at the same joke again and again, but why do you keep crying over the same thing over and over again?
      If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you will find an excuse.
Never take someone's feeling for granted because you never know how much courage it took to show it to you.
      What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?
Don't judge me by my past. I don't live there anymore!
      You'll never know pain until you look into the eyes of someone you love, and they look away.
"Out of my mind". Back in five minutes.
      A smile is the most beautiful curve on a woman's body.
It's so important to make someone happy. Start with yourself.
      Last night I said to my boyfriend "I demand good manners in bed, just like at the dinner table." So he climbs into bed very slowly and says: "Honey, would you please pass me the pussy"?
Let's make better mistakes tomorrow!
      Follow your heart but take your brain with you.
Where shall I go?
- to the left where nothing's right?
- to the right where nothing's left?
      The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an aprreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.
Don't like me? Have a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck.
      SARCASM - the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.
You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk.
      Every woman deserves a man that can make her forget her heart was ever broken.
I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.
      You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it, it's not a mistake, it's a choice.
Don't look back, you're not going that way!
      If you can't handle me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best.
You have enemies? Good, that means you've stood for something in your life.   


* by far, my favourite :)

sursa tuturor citatelor: internet